23.

I missed Christmas. I missed New Years. I missed it all. But to be honest, it just felt normal - just like another day where I have had to cancel on a friend.

My pain and side effects are getting worse but you will see below we have got onto some things which have made life a bit easier for me, especially making me remember that there is light somewhere at the end of my tunnel.

I got to see my psych this month so that was helpful, I was supposed to go again this week but have injured my neck - either from assembling a chair, washing my hair in the sink when I bleached it or constantly passing out in weird positions.

I did have a massage booked as well as laser booked yesterday but couldn’t hold my head up and along with a migraine it made it kinda hard to leave bed unfortunately.

I have managed to lock in a remedial massage up here (home/New Norfolk) tomorrow so that will be much easier for me to get to.

I had another go at medical botox last month and for about 5 days we were cautiously hopeful it had actually worked but my pain is back to normal and my loss of sight is getting more and more frequent.

My neurologist has suggested I see a psychiatrist to assist with my insomnia but they left a very rude voicemail saying the clinic didn't want me haha and he has said the botox is all he can do for me so the next step will be heading back to Melbourne to see a pain specialist but my GP has also sent a referral to the pain clinic down here.

I have actually managed to secure an appointment with a pain specialist in Melbourne already and will be seeing him on the 14th, he has come with high recommendations from my nurse friend Amelia and isn’t going to be like the guy I’ve seen down here who put me on vitamins (he did do the nerve blocks but they failed)

My GP has given me a month free trial of a weight loss injection called Saxenda which I self inject. You can’t feel a thing but it’s still pretty fun. I’m not overly hopeful it will do anything but there is no horrible anxiety like the duromine.

Okay so yeah Mum and I are going to Melbourne for a few days - it’s Lukas Birthday, Mia has given birth to my beautiful niece Ava and I have Charvele’s engagement party. Here’s hoping I can manage it all.

We have increased my pain medication to 60mg of oxy a day which has helped and also helped with my constant anxiety I was going to run out of pain relief.

I’m also taking a new antidepressant called Amira which I do think is having some positive effects, I’m not needing to rely on Valium as much and I am not feeling as dark as I have been.

Lastly for my insomnia I am now taking Rohypnol - yeah the date rape drug. It seems to do the job but I do occasionally pass out instead of falling asleep and have woken up with my head in my bedside drawer once and I’m fairly sure my neck is injured from passing out sitting up on three pillows one night but we will see, for the most part there’s been no side-effects compared to all the other things we’ve tried and it actually works which is a miracle and I’ve been making sure that once I take it I’m in a proper position for sleep now and my body seems to be getting a bit more used to it - I take two tablets which I find pretty funny... I obviously don’t drink alcohol but I’m interested in what happens when it is mixed with alcohol to give it the effect that it has to make it the date rape drug because I don’t get that drunk can’t walk sorta effect they do in the movies.

I obviously haven’t felt like blogging and I don’t know why, so I’m sorry about that! I know that this helps a lot of you and I do feel bad but if I blogged when I wasn’t feeling it then I don’t think the content would be as honest as usual.

Whilst I haven’t been blogging I have found I have been relying on my friends a bit more but on the other side of things, there is a couple of people that I have been helping and I think that my time was better spent being their ‘person’ when they needed me.

I’m continually fostering new and amazing friendships with people online, I have recently managed to snag Melissa as a friend and she has been so amazing.

I am still struggling with the knowledge that there is some people that don’t understand what I am going through but I am trying to shift my focus onto those that do try and be there and understand and I think that will be more beneficial.

I’m also going on a family cruise in March to New Caledonia, this is going to be a massive test for my body and I hope I can manage to enjoy as much of it as possible. I’m looking forward to my favourite snorkeling spot ever and I am lucky enough to be able to bring Luka along too, I am already feeling guilty in advance that I might manage to enjoy myself.

I guess another thing I wanted to touch on is that unfortunately a wonderful human has left the world this week, I have a lot of friends who knew him and my heart is breaking for them all. I truly thought we were at a point where people felt okay to reach out and ask for help but unfortunately this wasn’t the case. I hope he is resting peacefully and isn’t in pain anymore and I am sending all of the love to his friends and partner.

We also had to make the decision to let our cat cross the rainbow bridge this week. He got unwell quite quickly and there was no guarantee that surgery would be successful so he is no longer in pain. He had a wonderful life and was very loved and I know he will be sorely missed.

Lastly, still fighting the Centrelink fight. I have been given the contact of the head of human services and had a phone call the next day but I was unconscious with head and neck pain - Mum did try and contact the lady today as she has authority to do so - mostly due to my anxiety/pain/memory loss but she doesnt appear to work on Fridays so we will try again next week. Keep all ya things crossed for me so I can give my parents more money.

I think that’s me done for now guys. I’m sorry about being AWOL. I think all of my new side effects and a severe dip in my mental health threw me off but hopefully I’ll get back into a more frequent routine for you all, and me I guess!

Also, I have a FB page for this now too, I’ll be sharing articles about chronic illness and mental health so chuck that a like if you’re interested

https://m.facebook.com/sorryimsick/

I also own the domain www.sorryimsick.club now which is pretty cool, so I have been trying to set shit up properly in the background!

As always, I am here if you need someone, no matter what the issue, we can get through it together.

LOVE YAS!

#migraine #australia #Chronicillness #Chronicdailyheadache #chronicmigraine #cubitaltunnelsyndrome #invisibleillness #mentalhealth #neuropathy #surgery #mentalillness