Fucking hell I am absolute trash at remembering to blog... I think I need to focus on the fact that I am predominantly doing this to build awareness, kick some stigmas in the dick and most importantly, give people in similar positions as me - whether it's their mental health or their physical health (or both because they've gone all out like me) someone or even the tiniest little thing to relate to because it's becoming much more evident that I am infinitely better at helping other people than I am myself.... which in turn makes me feel good so when you really have a bloody think about it, it is actually helping me too... I gone done and tricked myself into self help damn it! 🤦🏼♀️
I have an absolute dickload to update you on so buckle in, spam your friends and read all my bullshit together would ya?
So I have moved back to Melbourne (well we have because Rambo is with me) and I noticed an instant improvement in my mental and physical health just from being happy about being home, but mostly because I get to fall asleep and wake up next to my hero and the god damn love of my life daily.
Josh really happened at the perfect time, its been a whirlwind romance and I'd be lying if I said its been easy to navigate everything but when you know you've got the one it all just makes sense and it's so easy and comfortable in the end and I am finally with him now so the hardest part is done. 💕
I've met a ton of new people since we have been together and its been pretty confronting to see how two years of basically locking myself away has severely fucked with my social skills and quite possibly my hearing in noisy environments (this could be a health thing too) but I have some wonderful new friends now who didn't hate me for interrupting them or talking complete gibberish because I couldn't hear a thing.
Now, while I initially noticed an improvement in my health and I have definitely cut down on my pain medication and sleepers, I have just had a couple of weeks of being in a good old fashioned Migraine coma and it felt especially shit and was much harder to manage than before.....trying to keep on top of my meds and try and keep fluids up and eat proved very difficult without Mum around and I am too stubborn to ask for help even though I know I should have told Josh what I needed help with, he did and does whatever he could and can think of regardless and his presence makes things easier but it was another episode where I couldn't leave the room, let alone the house and I was so overwhelmed with anxiety my body just kept me asleep for days on end. Soooo have we got a cure yet?
Aaaaah what else? The pain from my Ulnar Nerve Compression is fucked, I saw the Neurosurgeon again and had an MRI which apparently appeared fine so he wanted me to try another medication which I was against instantly, it was called Gabapentin - they made it before Lyrica, Josh researched it for me and basically found out it really does nothing, I only took it the once under protest because I had such a bad feeling about it after my own original research and I ended up hallucinating and my body and the room turned to liquid.... sooo that still hurts and I'm not taking that again (oh yeah...anyone have a Melbourne Neurosurgeon?)
So remember when I mentioned I had Hypothyroidism? I just found out by accident when googling something non related while chatting with a friend that I actually have Hashimoto's Disease which I was never ever told about... my actual diagnoses was 'your thyroid is killing itself' as you can imagine that has hit me for six and has added to my fear that I'll never be able to have kids but I guess I am lucky I worked it out now so I can see an Endocrinologist and my condition can be properly managed. 😔
I'm starting my trial run of new GPs next week, I'm hoping its first time lucky because it's an exhausting process and you need to find someone who legitimately gives a shit, I also need to schedule my week in hospital for my infusion but I'm too nervous to just call and see if they are doing Lidocaine or Ketamine let alone bite the bullet and book it in... my last three hospital stays I've discharged myself because they have me something I have a severe adverse reaction to each time without thinking so now they scare me... as does a week in hospital on heavy meds, but I need to think of the possible positive outcome and nut up and start the ball rolling.
Lastly, while I am here it seems the best place to ask if anyone has had someone or and organisation help them battle Centrelink for Disability, I'm getting ready to claim again but its such an arduous task and the person looking at it just adds up points and denies you so I need a professional of some type this time because its sooo draining and frustrating.
Alright I'm all out of words, I'm hoping my health and well, everything will settle down soon so I can start making plans with my friends instead of hibernating and doing nothing due to fear of constant cancelling....because there isn't a day that goes past where I don't feel like a rubbish friend, I might have to start inviting people for sleepovers so I can stay in the house.
Smart. 🤓
See you in 87 weeks when I am having another moment of not being a lazy arsehat.
