21.

Well, shit. It's been a while hey? I obviously haven't been doing too well and although I wanted to blog I have been struggling pretty bad with just wanting to be alive and I just stuck with my usual habit of when shit gets bad and I have basically just withdrawn myself from the real world.

I am fairly sure we left off with my nerve blocks failing and to be honest since that, things have only gotten worse.

I have new side effects with my migraines, they are common but they are new to me so now I am regularly losing vision in my left eye, suffering from severe vertigo and fainting spells and I have had a couple of instances where my migraines have been accompanied by an aura, typically the aura comes BEFORE the migraine so if you are lucky enough to have a preventative drug that works for you, you can take it and usually stop the migraine, typically I have failed all preventative medicines.

My two auras have been different but also the same, one came after a migraine in what I call the 'hangover' where I am physically and mentally exhausted and just have a severe headache instead of a migraine and the other was during a migraine, they both presented the same.... my sheets kind of turned to liquid visually, as did my wardrobe. I kept on seeing 'things' in my peripherals and there was a scattering of light and sparkles, I am straight up terrified of hallucinating so I knocked myself out both times.

So basically things are going mostly downhill, my pain is more severe and more frequent and we have had to add an instant release palexia to my meds as I am constantly coming up short with my oxy due to the large rise in pain levels.

I am still struggling massively with the weight gain from my meds, I have been making an effort to eat well - although I don't have an appetite but I am hoping I can get my metabolism going, I was prescribed Duromine from GP (with my psychs permission, I dunno if I have mentioned that at all previously) however it has caused very severe anxiety and I did drop to one every second day but unfortunately the anxiety stayed and it was just unbearable so we have ditched it.

I do have plans to try and do some youtube yoga in my loungeroom but right now, I am trying to just focus on wanting to get out of bed or leave my room.

I also managed to be a total fuckhead and miss my Neuro appointment the other week - I had gotten up at 7.30am and had breakfast and stayed up til 11.30am and thought I’d have a quick nap before getting ready at 12.30pm for my 2.30pm neurologist appointment which Dad was picking me up at 1.20pm for....

So when Dad got here and my alarms hadn’t gone off I thought he was early so I fart arsed around getting ready, doing my makeup and shaving my legs...only to find out it was actually now 1.50pm and I had turned off both my phone alarm and my alarm clock in my sleep, as fucking usual.

I was exactly 11 minutes late for my appointment, we even rang but the neurologist wouldn’t see me so now my next appointment is in February but I am on the cancellation list and apparently they always have people cancel apparently but I am yet to get a call.

The plan at the moment is to try and get an appointment back with the pain specialist so we can manage my pain better because if we just do this with my GP pharma services will without a doubt not allow me to continue with the Palexia.

I am also going to try and make an appointment with an acupuncturist that also uses laser light therapy to pretty much help with everything.. I haven't been able to make physio or chiro appointments for ages because I am just sooo wrecked

I was supposed to travel to Melbourne last Thursday for Mia's baby shower but we decided it was a very stupid idea for me to even attempt that with my current state, but I am still pretty bummed I didn't get to spend her special day with her as well as being able to catch up with all my Melbourne loves.

Little bit controversial but we have gone back to stilnox for my insomnia, the belsomra just did not work for me and not sleeping really just makes everything so much worse, I am on a lower dose than last time and we are aware of what can happen with the zombie behaviour the next day so we will be able to see it happening and put me back to bed!

Also, because I am the clumsiest human in the world, I missed the bottom step the other week and took a decent chunk out of my heel (I will include all the gross pictures) I was keeping it dry and using lavender on it but it still got super infected and about 5 days later I woke up to a giant foot! My GP prescribed me with Penicillin so we could kill the infection, but if you're a lady you will know what antibiotics can cause and it happened, despite me also taking the tablets to prevent it!!

I have also started a new anti-depressant called Amira and have started to see some positives from it, despite the hell the Duromine was causing, luckily I am able to take it with my Pristiq with no interactions so we don't have to go through the horrific withdrawals and I actually managed to go to a market a few Saturdays ago - it was a huge deal leaving the house for something other than a doctor appointment!

I think that is all I have for now, a couple of good things is that I have finished my Christmas Shopping and everyone is getting spoilt for putting up with me this year, I reactivated my afterpay so I could do this - oh I am still on Newstart and not Disability but I do have a medical exemption until August next year, meaning I do not have to job hunt and I just have to answer a phone call every now and then, the nice lady I met with at Centrelink told me to keep pushing for Disability but it is frustrating and a lot of work.

Another good thing is that in March next year I am going on a South Pacific cruise with my fam and Luka - I have always felt so good and like I am somehow kind of healed when I travel so I am really hoping this has some great effect on me + sunshine and snorkelling yay!

I have also setup a FB page to link up with my blog, I will be using it to share articles relevant to me and similar issues so feel free to give it a like and I will try and actually start using it.

This is the link - https://www.facebook.com/sorryimsick/

I will bombard you with a series of photos because it has been so long - mostly nice, one from my most recent meltdown and some gross foot ones (they are the last three so if you don't like gross stuff you are officially warned!!)

As always, thanks to my amazing friends and family (and strangers) for being so supportive, especially Mum when my anxiety turns me into an angsty bitch.

Feel free to ask me questions and don't forget to subscribe and head over to the facey page!

Love xo

(eeeep sorry about the double email notification subscribers xx)

#mentalillness #chronicmigraine #invisibleillness #ambien #migraine #australia #Chronicillness #Chronicdailyheadache #cubitaltunnelsyndrome #mentalhealth #neuropathy #surgery