19.
- Peta Hills
- Oct 18, 2017
- 3 min read
Welcome to the suck (see jarhead or like just google it)
Today was meeting with pain doctor day to let him know that the injections into my skull (the nerve blocks guys cmon) the other week didn't work so we are jumping into the next office at the Hobart Private Consulting Rooms and going back to the neurologist and we are going to give Botox another go, I don't know if I have mentioned this I'm sure I have but I did about 18 months of Botox and it's worked for about the first 6, kinda....but my Melbourne Neuro just kept pumping them in every visit although I would be telling him that the migraines were coming back and eventually they just came back and weren't leaving and well that's why I'm on the small island and can't do things.
This is also the neurologist who wasn't worried about my ulnar neurothapy which was the major concern of the my new neurologist in Hobart - that was my arm operation, it's getting better slowly, nerves are stupid and take forever to heal.
I've met with the Hobart Neuro once before, he wanted to deal with my arm so sent me off to a neurosurgeon for that and because I already had met with the pain doctor he suggested I work with him for a bit and come back as see him if we didn't get any success.
Sooo, that's now....well in a month, just another month of wanting to drill a hole in my skull and worsening anxiety and depression and then we are going to try the Botox again because maybe he will put it in the magical spot the last guy didn't, it's only 31 needles into my face, neck, head and shoulders, you'd think they would have it bang on target but I digress.
Oh right, positive I AM THE POSITIVE GIRL.
I'm not guys, I'm exhausted and I'm crying again.
Everything hurts, my back has been in spasm for over a week and I'm getting really sick of waking up every morning, it might be better if I woke up without pain but right now it's just waking up in general that's a real bugger.
In the mental health world these are kinda called suicidal idealisations, where ya kinda want to be dead but you're not going to do anything about it.
I'm not going to die don't worry, things would obviously be better with fairy bread ice creams but that ship has well and truly sailed.
Urgh remind me to talk about lidocaine infusions after I've read about it, that's what happens if the Botox doesnt work.
At least I won't look quite as shit for a while because my gosh have I got some wrinkles from all my frowning!
Christ, this is all very apathetic or is it just plain old pathetic?
Who knows.
OH SHOCK, my dog is barking at nothing so I've gotta go.
At least we have chocolate milk and mum captured me rolling my eyes today.
BYEEEEEEEEEE
nb: i'm still fat because of lyrica the devil drug but i am no longer on it yay! also, pfizer love themselves so much for making it they have their name printed on the tiny little capsules, nobody does that! Like shiny black on the white capsule like it is a brochure at a boat show or something, fucking pfizer they made pristiq too which is the antidepressant that no longer 'anti depresses' me but they made it so physically addictive your body can start showing signs of withdrawal 4 hours after missing a dose and they also haven't made it in any lower mg so patients can easily and healthily work their way off it... there is a class action somewhere but whatever.
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