12.

Well shit. It's been a while and I am sorry, A lot has happened since my last blog and a few events kind of knocked me about into a not feeling like blogging mindset, which I just couldn't rattle.

But I'm back, hopefully consistently again.

Things seem to be sorted with pharmaceutical services, I have my pain medication back and I've been very strict to make sure I stick to my dosage so I don't run out and I always get them on the day I am due and no earlier - this seemed to be the issue as after surgery I probably took more than my two a day and pharmaceutical services don't take that into account, them not speaking to me about it still annoys me and they didn't contact my GP too well after the event.

My arm is still healing well, the scar looks pretty cool - I'll add a photo later and the pain in my hand does seem to be reducing.

I want to talk about what knocked me off my blogging horse but there is other people involved and I am going to choose to keep it private for their sake, as well as mine. Let's just say a throwaway sentence in my last blog opened up a lot of old wounds for a few people including myself and a LOT of new information about a particular person and a part of our lives came to light and as I haven't really dealt with it all mentally, lots of new information and lots of chatting kind of took precedence over this blog for a while but things have settled down and here I am.

So, I'm getting fat. I don't know if it's my thyroid medication or if it's the lyrica but I've put on about 15kgs - the last 10kgs very very quickly and I'm not handling it well at all. I've kind of thought through this all, 'even if I feel like shit at least I look good' and now I'm now in definitely not feeling good or looking good and that's really taken it's toll on me mentally. I'm going to be discussing this with my GP on Wednesday, while it may seem stupid to be upset about putting on weight, if I am going to be taking these medications long term I'll end up having new health issues with being overweight (which I now already am) and I don't see any sense in creating a new medical issue to treat another one.

I went to Melbourne the other week, to visit friends, see a band that sort of fun stuff.

I managed to see a couple of friends but ended up with some gnarly anxiety - locked myself in my room for a few days and couldn't manage to leave the house to even go to the gig. I'm annoyed at myself, I thought I was doing a lot better but this trip came at the same time the aforementioned drama unfolded and I guess it makes sense I was a bit thrown and I deal with things a lot better when I am in my own environment (read bed)

I've moved house! I am in the new place I mentioned in the last blog. It's been a lot easier to settle into than the last house and is definitely a lot warmer which is good because of my thyroid I am always bloody cold!

It has a spiral stair case which my dog is slowly learning to use but right now there is a bit of time being spent carrying Rambo up and down like a giant child but he has done very well at learning to go up them so I'll give him credit for that.

Sooo what else, I having another surgery this week, on Friday.

I'm having a nerve block in my C2, C3 and C4 on the left hand side in my neck and an occipital nerve block on the right hand side these are basically a temporary measure to see if the blocking of the nerves causes my migraines to stop, lessen in severity or of course there can be no change at all. If it does work then they do something more permanent- I don't really know what they probably told me but I forget stuff.

I am still battling Centrelink in regards to the Disability Pension, I've been knocked back again and appealed again and have given them I reckon evidence from my previous psychologist in Melbourne.

It looks like I'll need to get more letters from my other specialists but whenever you ask they say 'oh no they will contact us' so it's kind of a pain in the arse and I'm fairly sure it's never going to get through.

I did have an assessment at Centrelink with a Registered Nurse, it was her job to see if I was fit for work, she has obviously concluded that I am not and has made sure I will stay on Newstart payments without having to apply for work while we keep trying for the Disability.

She even said she definitely thinks that I should be on it, but instead of nurses sitting down with you to go through your disability paperwork you send it all off and just wait for your rejection letter from someone in an office who has never met you.

I even started falling asleep and slurring my speech throughout my interview due to my medications and she was totally understanding, but this is the sort of thing someone in an office in Canberra doesn't see - it's a flawed system but I guess we have to keep trying so we can afford to keep me alive.

Umm, it was my birthday the other day and I managed to go out for dinner and then go for a hike in the snow the next day, granted I slept and spent the next two days in bed but hey I managed to do something for myself.

Another thing happened that has never happened before with my migraines and of course it was in public - I was drinking an iced chocolate whilst getting my nails done (this is one thing I always try and get done to feel human) and I got the worst brain freeze I have ever experienced, it was only for a few minutes but it was like one of my worst migraines instantly and I felt nauseous and like I was going to faint, my darling nail girl stopped, offered me water and waited for me to feel better and then the manager came and gave me a head, neck and shoulder massage - with a hot towel and everything but it honestly felt like an ice pick had been shoved right into one of my nerves, it was so intense and for someone who has a lot of cold things it was strange that a cold drink effected me like that... but the nail girls were total angels and that's kinda what I was getting at there anyway.

A few things have happened lately which have shown something kind of funny about my personality, if it is something that is happening to me my 'flight' instinct kicks in and I do everything possible to not deal with the issue.

But if it's something happening to someone else, like a friend needing help, a stranger being hit by a car (all things that have happened lately) I'm all fight. If it's someone else's crisis I can sort the shit out of it. But if it's mine, I'm a pile of shit, I don't necessarily want to swap them around but I definitely want a bit more fight in me, for me right now.

Because I'm feeling fairly stuck and low and not sure what I am doing with life or anything right now. (Books psych appt immediately)

Getting healthy and getting fat and getting surgeries I guess?

Ahhh well. Don't forget to subscribe, please send me messages I nearly always remember to respond and feel free to ask me questions or give me ideas of things you want me to talk about.

Oh and Coles in Tasmania and Tasmania only have stopped stocking the Bulla fairy bread icecreams and it's fucking outrageous and ridiculous because they make those stupid icecream sandwiches that don't even melt so why can't they turf those and keep stocking the sprinkle magic sticks. Idiots

Sorry guys, quick edit.

Forgot to mention Mum, giver of love, bringer of meds, driver of human, maker of appointments, forcer or food, receiver of shade, carer of adult child, hero among humans, well known as super mum but hasn't hurt herself recently so I didn't have a story to spin.

Chicks dig scars

Peta xo

SCARFACE OOH HA HA

#surgery #mentalillness #migraine #invisibleillness #migraine #australia #Chronicillness #Chronicdailyheadache #chronicmigraine #cubitaltunnelsyndrome #mentalhealth #neuropathy