11.

I don't really know where to start with this blog, this past week has delivered me quite a few kicks in the guts and I'll gladly admit that I didn't cope well with a single one of them.

Surgery went well - my nerve is decompressed but obviously I was in pain after (not now - yay!) and then shit things kept happening and I've basically been an unwashed puddle of a human in bed for a week.

So, I have to move house.. this was always something that I knew might happen but it was supposed to be further down the track and not when I just felt like I was settled into my new home, I'm even going to be in Melbourne for the move so I'll leave one house and come back to another.

I know it sounds stupid to be upset about but when you're in constant mental and physical pain anything can knock you over and I found out a few days (I think) after surgery.

I'm literally only moving up the road into a more modern house, with no mice and no woodheater which I'm stoked and sad about at the same time because fires are amazing but carting wood is a wanker.

The real shit thing that came out of this week was pharmaceutical services not allowing the chemist to dispense my pain medication, this was also something we knew might happen but we were expecting they would contact my GP and we would do what we needed to do paperwork or whatever wise to get it sorted.. instead they just said I can't have any til the tenth and this was on the third.

By some grace of dog (that's intentional) I haven't copped and withdrawals and a family friend who has helped me and my family immensely since I have moved home managed to rustle up some leftover medication (albeit much less than what I was on) to get me through.

I also had a morning where I woke up with restless arm syndrome (just google it)

It's essentially the same as restless legs but less common. It was about 5am and I spent a few hours throwing myself around my bed until some Valium managed to knock me back out. It basically feels like your arms don't belong on your body and they're filling up with ants at the same time and this sent my anxiety through the roof (well further anyway)

Also, I would like to mention Facebook memories are fucking stupid and I need to stop looking at them because ever second day there is something there that will make my chest implode.

So.... I'm seeing my doctor on Monday to call the pharmaceutical satans to make sure they aren't intending on continuing to fuck with my life and treat me like a junkie for having chronic pain.

I'm also going to get a referral to a new pain specialist I found who is the head of acute pain at the Royal, he has a gnarly waiting list but if my referral looks urgent I can get bumped up so I intend on helping script what we send in as I have seen my current specialist twice and he has only put me on vitamins and probiotics and asked me to reduce my oxy... I see him on the sixteenth so this is his last chance and $300 to actually bloody do something.

Mum, thank you so fucking much for everything always and especially this week. I've been a useless asshole and I'm sure you can't wait til I go to Melbourne on Thursday so you can sit down for five seconds.

Oh well yeah, I'm going to Melbourne for some early birthday celebrations for myself, to squeeze the life out of my friends that I miss so much it hurts and to see a band.

I'm also scooting over next month to see a band and my darling friend Isabel and her daughter Odette have moved their dates around a bit so we can spend some time together, we were brought together by a narcissistic pig (not gunna beat around the bush) and having each other to talk to about throughout the aftermath and when we have little meltdowns about it has been a blessing and I cannot wait to spend time with her in real bloody life.

She has also started an amazing blog which is all about her travels with Odie, some great advice and amazing photography so please give it a peek - https://www.isabelfindley.com/

Anyway, I left the house tonight, I ate a real meal and I get to see my friends this week and do some dancing.

I'm never ever fucking giving up, one day this is will all be a distant memory and I'll look back and wonder what all the fuss was about.

Go and listen to Aaron West and the Roaring Twenties - Our Apartment.

Breathe it in, let it go

Love and limited narcotics and also no new photos so here is one from Gnocchi tshirt day where I had rolled in highlighter and got a ton of shots to recycle

Slightly less sad girl than 5 days ago xoxo

PS. Have you ever heard of sleep dread? It's basically what my insomnia really is, I actually don't want to sleep because I have nightmares every single night, that's why I am blogging at 2.30am but I just made myself take my sleeping tablets so I will konk out eventually..... try and wake me up in the morning though?

Hahaha no, I would like to keep sleeping. Stupid eh?

#migraine #australia #Chronicillness #Chronicdailyheadache #chronicmigraine #cubitaltunnelsyndrome #invisibleillness #mentalhealth #neuropathy #surgery #mentalillness