8.

I wrote on social media 'I will probably blog tonight' then came home, showered and had an absolute crying meltdown, not because of my mental health but because the shit that I had to deal with today, I believe, would be overwhelming for anyone... so lets go through it, shall we?

I started my day with a migraine, why? Because I ate like 12 fucking fairybread icecreams last night because I am getting my period and I crave sugar like a child when I am. So of course my head hurt... BUT I knew I had three appointments today and couldn't miss them so I took two of my ocycondone and thought that would knock it on its head (heh) but guess who forgot we had changed back to 20mg tablets and just took 40mg in one go? THIS GUY, so within about 20 minutes I was the sleepiest dickhead in New Norfolk (except for maybe the truck drivers passing by, depending if they're the type that are indulging in a bit of goey anyway)

So I texted mum, asked her if she could move my first appointment because I had messed up and had to sleep it off... she handled it like the legend she is, still managed to head into the city for her appointment and arranged for Dad to pick me up later.

Then I had a chiro adjustment, we talked about my stupid sugar binge and my general lack of appetite and my need for a dietitian (open to suggestions Hobart humans, but they really really need to know their shit, as you know I have a lot going on) but that all went well, cya next week.

Then we went to meet the Neurosurgeon about my ulnar neuropathy which we now refer to as Cubital Tunnel Syndrome. We were early, we are dickheads who between two brains and reminder letters and text messages still can't read but we got in early anyway, so cue appointment with Dr Hunn aka the best Neurosurgeon in Tassie - beauty! 

Without boring you with all the hand looking and touching, it is official, my hand is fucked, my ulnar nerve is stuck somewhere and I am in for surgery on the 27th of July.

Then I went to the physio, I knew this was going to suck but I was cocky all day today because I had a V and thought I was superman.

Cue HELL. If you have me on instagram (@petarabbit..... i post a heap of shit so if you are here for the health stuff follow at your own discretion) you can see the video of the work being done inside my mouth and the beautiful face, grunts and swears of agony as my jaw muscles etc are manipulated into not being assholes (science term)

I felt a tingle in my face instantly after so we knew a nerve had been triggered, by the time I got home my whole face felt like a fucked arse and I headed straight to the shower while Mum fed the dog, fixed the fire and unpacked my groceries.

She left as I was getting dressed, I managed that and I managed to clean my sneakers annnnddddd then I fucken lost it.

Absolute sobbing, sympathy messages from Luka instantly (as usual) and a request for Mum to come back after dinner while I took some painkillers and crawled into bed.

Turns out, heaps of pain (on top of my everyday pain) and being told my nerve issue was bad and booking in surgery was actually too much.

Today I am not positive, today I am overwhelmed and I don't know what or why I am doing any of this.

I feel like my migraines will never be better and that my disability will be denied any day now and I am destined for a life of pain and specialists and no idea why this is all happening.

I am 29 next month, that is one year away from 30 and today, I am an absolute mess who is in trouble with her mum for eating too much icecream. (Hahahaha mum just told me I am only 27 so I turn 28 next month so it's all okay) 

There rest of tonight is valium, waiting for mum to read this to see that I online shopped mid meltdown and probably some beautiful messages from people that are still awake which will make me feel worse somehow.

That is it for today.

Here is a photo (as always) taken by mum before I turned into a toilet person 

BONUS PHOTO - screen grab of what looks like a horror movie but is actually me at the physio today hahahahaaahahahkillmehahahhaahhaha

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Peta xo 

(Hey Luka I love you endlessly)

#cubitaltunnelsyndrome #migraine #icecream #invisibleillness #chronicmigraine #australia #Chronicillness #Chronicdailyheadache #mentalhealth #neuropathy #surgery #mentalillness