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SO I'm going to start you all off with a little story of something that just happened a few hours ago and then I will get into the fun mental healthy physical body bullshitty gossip y'all are here for!

On the way home tonight three tyres fell off the back off a truck coming from the opposite direction bouncing right towards us. 

I somehow managed to slowly brake so the car(s) behind me didn't end up our arse, calmly navigate without hitting the oncoming truck or the bouncing tyres heading for our windscreen. 

Mum and I have had a lot of bad luck with our health (because we are honestly like the benny hill show, we both fall over and hurt ourselves so much we should be wrapped in bubble wrap) but I swear someone was looking out for us tonight. 

Funnily enough I haven't been driving for a few weeks as my painkillers made me lose concentration and I wasn't driving too well but I chose not to take any today so I could be alert and safe because I had to be designated driver as mum is on crutches because she fell over last night (I told you, we are useless!)  

Alright so let's get into the good stuff, my best mate Scotty came to visit this week, he was here Monday to Wednesday and I got to show him my fave places around this end of tassie. 

I managed to feel pretty good til Wednesday night and then I was in bed from then til lunchtime Sunday basically. 

I think I pushed myself a little too hard and then just fell into a bit of a depressive episode and copped a gnarly migraine and as usual an upset stomach to go with it. (Didn't shit myself though so I'm growing up)

It's been confirmed I will need surgery on my elbow for the ulnar neuropathy, I'll find out tomorrow when my first consult is with the neurosurgeon and then I guess I'll find out when I'll go under the knife, it looks like a day procedure from what I've seen which is good because I get gnarly anxiety from hospitals now from all the times they've given me the wrong drugs for my migraines and I've freaked out in the emergency departments. 

It's pretty cool what they do though, they use a bit of muscle to make a little cradle for the nerve so it stops getting caught so I'm excited to have a pinky finger that doesn't feel like it's been smashed under a hammer everyday! 

I've had a couple of sessions with the pain psychologist, she has written me a letter for Centrelink for the medical evidence I need to go on disability, I'll need to get more as this is just for the mental health side of things so I will be asking the pain doctor on Wednesday to write something up about my chronic pain as well. 

Hopefully it works out because I currently have no income and as mum is not working because she is caring for me, we are relying solely on my dads income and as he works in real estate it's never guaranteed what will be coming in each month. 

I also spoke with the pain psych today about my compulsive online shopping issue, we worked out it started back when I was on stilnox and I do it as a form of comfort or to do something to make me feel kind of connected and 'normal' I took a massive step and contacted afterpay and got them to put a block on my account so now I can't do it as much, but I fucked up this week when I was having my nice depressive post scotty visit episode and just overdrew the fuck out of my Paypal so that was really smart (asos have a mad sale on right now if you were wondering) 

We made a list of things I can do when I go to online shop - like pick up a book or play brain stimulating games on my phone instead. I honestly don't know what else I could buy right now anyway, I own so many items of clothing I'd really be struggling to find something I want so I guess that will help hahaha (fuck I suck) 

Ummmmm. My medications are still working really well to keep my pain at bay. The palexia and oxycodone together have significantly reduced my migraines and I am really getting a bit more quality of life. 

When I first visited the pain doctor he asked me to cut back but my GP and I decided we would both rather I not be in pain before we find out what his ideas are anyway. We are assuming he will want to do a nerve block of some sort but neither me or my GP were willing to let me suffer for a month with never ending chronic pain without knowing what his plan is, so I will find out on Wednesday and I will of course let you guys know!

My anxiety has been up and down of late, I have had a lot of days where I can't get out of bed or even leave the house - even for good stuff like getting my nails done or catching up with friends. 

Mum and I have worked out a little routine if I take two Valium as soon as I wake up and then get in the shower I seem to manage to get out of the house. But on really bad days I can't manage even that and just end up crawling back into a ball and sleeping the day (days... weekend) away. 

This is obviously something I will be working on with the psych but she is away for a month so I'll just keep working on it for now I guess!

ANOTHER thing we worked out today is it isn't just my thyroid issue that makes me super cold all the time (have I mentioned that?) well yeah I am always cold, I wear thermals every day I manage to leave the house and sleep with a heater and electric blanket on. I'm like a snowman. 

But because I have barely been eating (we haven't worked out why I have no appetite yet so that's annoying) my metabolism has slowed down so that's making me super cold too. 

I'm still drinking a shit ton of chocolate milk (I managed a litre one day last week) so at least that's something I haven't lost an appetite for. 

Alright this was long, very very rambly and probably boring. 

As usual, I didn't proof read this so sorry if it's a bit muddled but so is my brain. 

Please keep subscribing, please keep sending me messages (if they are anon with a made up email I cannot reply to you though and that bums me out, please know if you do want to talk to me I will keep our conversations 100% private and I absolutely want to reply to everyone who contacts me so even if you make a quick little gmail with a fake name that's fine, at least then we can actually chat!)

Thanks for reading. You guys are cool 

xo

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#migraine #australia #Chronicillness #Chronicdailyheadache #chronicmigraine #cubitaltunnelsyndrome #invisibleillness #mentalhealth #neuropathy #surgery #mentalillness