3.

Alright alright alright, this kinda took off more than I expected!

I have heaps to update you on and someone (Charvele) complained these were too short but I have fucken stiletto nails and a constant migraine so gimme a break.

First off THANKS SO DAMN MUCH FOR ALL THE SUBSCRIBERS, it is so cool you give a shit and that you find me a bit interesting. Lets get into the shitty stuff ey?

I wasn't going to blog again so soon but someone made an instagram account just to troll me and ask how I afford new clothes - I can't afford them part of my anxiety is a gnarly online shopping addiction, it first started getting really bad when I was taking ambien and I went full blown mental when afterpay happened. It isn't healthy but it makes me happy, if you have a problem and you are anyone but my mum, go fuck yourself.

SOOOOO I had a bone scan last week - we are still waiting for the report but it showed a really gnarly hot spot in my jaw - could this be the cause of all my problems? YES! Will it be? NO! Thing's don't go well with me like that, I am mostly positive but being realistic that there is a still a long road ahead of me is much smarter at this stage.

Right now I am seeing a Physio - a good old mate Nick Murton (GO DONS) a Chiro (I didn't want to because the Chiro at the TMJ Centre in Melb gave me the worst migraines f my life) But Dr Tim at Chiro on Collins is THE BEST, him and Murto are going to be working together (as well as Nicks boss Matt) to try and clunk and manipulate me back into health.

My GP is being really good about pain meds, I'm on oxycontin and palexia at the moment (both controlled drugs) and a few other things and some days I still sit in bed balling my eyes out waiting for my mum to force feed me water and tell me it is okay to cry.

I am still waiting to see a Neurologist here and I have seen one pain specialist but he won't make any moves except physio until all my scans are done.

Lets take a breath and remind you all I am 27 years old and I am currently bed ridden every second day (it used to be every day until I found a GP who understood my pain and wanted to help)

I have lost over 25kgs now from all of this, I am weak as shit and I cry at everything, when I moved to Melbourne I was a fucking fireball, nothing could break me and I am sure as hell going to get back to being that strong asshole who wanted to take on the world, it might just take a while...

Last year I went to NZ with one of my girlfriends Mia, when I am feeling better and when I have money again (remind me to do a post about how fucked the disability pension is) I really want to go back with her and also to lots of other places alone (Canada, Iceland, Bora Bora.... pretty much everywhere except like the middle of America, it doesn't interest me but YOSEMITE pls.... oh I am talking shit sorry) Have some useless facts for those who don't know me IRL  - I shaved my head in January after my mate cut it off with a knife at a music festival because he said I didn't have the guts to do it  - I have a rescue dog called Rambo, he is the best and the absolute worst too - I collect sneakers but I hate wearing shoes anymore than I have to  - I used to be really fucking good at sport but along with chronic illness I used to be injured every five seconds - I have one older sister who along with her hubby just opened the first 10th Planet Jiu Jitsu in Tasmania!  ALL I DRINK IS CHOCOLATE MILK Oohhh and today I had to do a urine test to make sure I am not selling my drugs to people (as fucking if, I want them all for myself)  

A few more things then I am done for today.

Most of the photos I will share on my blog are taken by my mum on my iphone7 in that cool new portrait mode, we (me def just me) think it is a fun thing to do when we are hopping between doctors appointments.

I cannot take phenothiazines which are the most common medicine used for migraines as they make me severely agitated (like I want to rip my arms off kinda agitated) Largatical and Maxolon are probably the most common and they are what they give you in hospital if you present with severe migraine... so I can't do that. On a positive note, I have been home in Tassie for just over a month and finally got to see my friends yesterday for a few hours!  I also miss my soul mate, Luka Jane like crazy, I talk to her every single day, she knows every single thing about my life and my health and always knows what to say when I am on the edge of a breakdown and want to give up (on that note The Tasmanian Voluntary Assisted Dying Bill 2016 will be debated in the House of Assembly on Wednesday 24 May. A rally to voice support for the Bill is being organised that day, from 1 – 2 pm, on the Parliament Gardens in front of Parliament House and I really want to go, I really believe that Euthanasia should be legalised and as someone who is chronically ill so young, if they can't fix me, I am sure as fuck not hanging around forever) 

LOVE AND NARCOTICS XOXO

(don't forget to subscribe and ask me questions)

#chronicillness #migraines #mentalhealth